Tag Archive | enemy’s lies

When Grace Sneaks In With A Face

I hadn’t given it much thought until I got asked about it last night.  How had I previously written it off and not considered it?  Could I get beyond it if it turned out to be true?  And why on Earth was I dignifying any of it with this kind of physical response?  It doesn’t even matter, right?  Right?!?  I kept waking up all night feeling literally sick to my stomach as confusion and disappointment from the Enemy continued to close in on me.
 
Even as I sat at my desk today, my mind kept wandering as I thought about how much consideration this whole ordeal should even get from me.  Is that something you can just come right out and ask?  Does it matter?  Would it change things?  It’s not something you’d just bring up in casual conversation, right?  Right?!?  Or can you?!?
 
And then she snuck into my office, all smiles and glowing.  She who travels in humility and patience and joy.  We shared in celebration that, not only was it Friday, but it was a three day weekend too!  As crazy as this week had been, we weren’t sure it would get here.  And then she did it.  She spoke Truth with a ton of Grace and reminded me that when God said He could make all things new, He meant ALL things.  She was able to remind me that He is not the Author of confusion and fear.  And she encouraged me to take heart because it’s coming.  It won’t be my definition of “soon”; that’s been obvious in how slow it’s all been moving up until now.
 
So while my Newsfeed is blowing up with what people are thankful for on this ninth day of November, I am so thankful that sometimes Grace sneaks in with a face…

Crisis of Belief

I packed my bags and drove to the middle of (what felt like) nowhere, then hung a right and drove another twenty minutes.  It was the closest thing to the “wilderness” that I could escape to.   I was in need of some answers.  Answers that I would be the one to verbalize, but that I needed the Lord to literally jot down in my journal, if He would.  I needed to know that I knew.  I was on a mission for clarity and discernment and in a lot of ways– I was on a deadline for an answer.
I threw myself into scripture.  Poured out every ounce of me and every question that had my heart so conflicted.  I laid everything out and then I got still.  I got still and I waited.  I knew God would move when He was ready and I knew that I did not want to miss it.  And then it happened.
I got the answer that I had been looking for.  It wasn’t an answer that I was particularly excited to get because I was certain I was giving up something I was sure I would later regret, but it was an answer and I could learn to be content.  Right?  Oh, I hoped so!  And then I got more than I bargained for.  Details of the plan began to be revealed.  Details that I had been praying about for literally fourteen years, almost daily.  A detail that was HUGE in my world!  A detail that would make it easier to be content with the previous “no” I had received.  He reminded me that He was in control and that I was going to love the ending to this story, but for now I needed to be okay with just the preview and I was excitedly honored.  Didn’t even see it coming, given what had happened just seven months prior.  In fact, I’d kinda written it all off.
Fast forward six or seven weeks to yesterday…
Sunday School with the kids was a blast!  We laughed hard as we helped each other make the final pieces to our Noah’s Ark mural.  I walked the fairgrounds in perfect weather, reminiscing past trips made with teenagers.  Now I’ve just topped the day off with an evening of Play-Doh, crayons, and a baby doll with my favorite kid.  We giggled, shared stories, and schemed future play plans.  It’s been a great day!
I’ve gone through my normal bedtime routine and now I’m laying in my bed.  A place that has always been a refuge for me, even when it hadn’t been in the same town that it is now.  Yet somehow, I feel very un-content.  I’m sweating but my room is cold.  I’ve flipped my pillow so often, there isn’t an obvious cooler side anymore.
I’m wanting to know why God would reveal details of the plan six or seven weeks ago, but still not let me see them come to fruition.  Did I hear Him wrong?  Did I even hear Him at all or did I just slap His name to my own dreams?  No, it was Him and I know it.  Well, if that’s true then why can’t I just be content in the waiting?  Because, what if I AM wrong?  What if I’ve wasted all this time and allowed my heart to be wrecked all over again? 
I’m playing mental gymnastics but in my own way– I’m in a wrestling match with God and I know it.  I know that if I discover I was wrong about this, I’m going to begin questioning everything else and that’s not a place I really want to be.  It’s starting to feel like a crisis of belief and I just want Him to show me what all of this is supposed to mean…

Maybe It’s Maybelline

With tears flooding down her face, she tried to share about her day.  It was not the response to “how was your day” that any of us were expecting.  I assumed the day had been full of laughs and good times with friends; she seemed relatively excited about the shopping trip before she went.  Through her quivering lips and broken speech, I heard her say that she was measured as a size fourteen for her dress today.  If you were sitting looking at the same girl I was, you would never guess that fourteen was her normal size.  Any other day, she’s a size six! 

Apparently, everyone else was measured as a zero or a four (Side note: Ahem, zero is not a size!) and were done in skinny minute.  This super cute girl took a little longer.  The “problem”?  She’s just a little more blessed in the upper-body than the rest of those girls.  Most people would consider this a good problem to have, but when you’re the only girl who took more than a minute and you measure more than twice your normal size—it’s hard not to let Satan have that opportunity to rip your self-esteem to shreds.

You would be hard-pressed to convince me that society puts as much pressure on guys as they do girls to look a certain way.  Advertisers prey on the struggles.  For example, “Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline”.  If she doesn’t feel born with it, she clearly needs Maybelline to cover it all up.  Walk through the Health and Beauty section of any store and what do you find?  Hair dying products because your natural color isn’t good enough.  Make-up in a million brands for every skin tone, because you need to look flawless.  Curling irons for the girls with straight hair and straighteners if you don’t like your curly hair.  The list goes on and on.

When did our natural looks stop being okay?  Marilyn Monroe once defined femininity at a size twelve.  What happened to that?  (Not trying to imply that Ms. Monroe is a great role model in every other area, but we do owe her for that size twelve thing!)  In fact, she said it best when she said,

“A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control.  She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn’t curve.  By where she is flat or straight or round.  She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers.  By all the outside things that don’t ever add up to who she is on the inside and so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control.  By who she is and who she is trying to become because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics and statistics lie.”

 

Why is the “do you think I’m beautiful” question one that weighs on the heart of women so heavily?  Why do we look to anyone other than Jesus for the answer?  How does Satan get such an “in” to our hearts through our self-esteem issues?  Who decided what the “standard” for our outward appearance should be?  Who decided there should even be a standard?  And is it wrong to want to cause them bodily harm?

All of those questions were flying around my mind as I tried to decide what to offer my incredibly cute little sister.  I started with sarcastic remarks (it’s what I do), but ended with hugging her and reminding her that she’s beautiful!  We curled up and read “You Are Special” for about the hundredth time.  (It may be a children’s book, but sometimes you just have to do that.)  Bless you Max Lucado for reminding us that we are all God’s creations, made in His image, and that God doesn’t make mistakes!

I don’t have the answers to even one of those questions from last night.  I also know those same struggles VERY well.  My prayer today is that we’ll all (girls and guys alike) hear the gentle whisper of our Maker, “Remember, you are special because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.”