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Better Left Unsaid

Oct20

“So, what’s this mist you’re in?”

How could six simple words feel so threatening?  I could feel my eyes filling with tears and all of a sudden had no idea how to answer that question.  We normally talk about everything just fine, but I immediately felt intimidated and that wasn’t normal for us.  He wasn’t trying to intimidate me and I knew that.  There wasn’t a secret mission to the question, yet somehow I felt like he could see right through me and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.  Could I really be that honest?  No.  At least, not yet.  I’m just not ready.

“I don’t think I can go there with you.”

I knew that made no sense to him, we talk about most everything.  I knew there was no way not to take that offensively.  I tried going there anyway.  Well, with the semi-cryptic version at least.  There was so much that I could have said to answer that question, so much I wanted to say but I let fear take the lead instead.  I’m a writer and words just completely failed me.  Maybe I wasted the moment and wasted words when I didn’t take the chance to say the things I should have when I had the chance.  It just seemed like a lot of what I was thinking and feeling and going through was better left unsaid in that moment.

“Let Team Stephanie stand in the gaps right now.”  How on earth can they when I’m not sure how far I’m willing to let someone else into all of this?!?

Told ya, I can be really hard to love…

Fragile: Handle With Care

Sep27

I watched a member of a moving crew throw boxes from his truck to the ground today, like he knew what was in them wouldn’t break.  I was impressed with how quickly he was getting it all unloaded and didn’t think much of it until I got closer and saw that each of those boxes all read Fragile: Handle With Care.  My perception of him changed as soon as I saw them.  What was he doing?!?  Handle with care, man.  HANDLE WITH CARE!!!  For all you know, that’s somebody’s wedding china!  Just because it doesn’t affect you doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to them.  What if you’re shattering their family heirlooms right now. 

Aren’t we just like that with each other?  We throw our words around like the things that we say can’t shatter the other person’s world.  How are we not more affirming to those in our lives?  If we aren’t their biggest cheerleaders, who else is going to do it?

It works the other way too.  We spend a great deal of time acting like our flirty actions won’t lead the other person on if we aren’t interested.  Yet, for all we know, they are falling fast.  If we’re honest, we don’t do such a good job of guarding each other’s hearts.  Just because it doesn’t affect us doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to them.

Hearts are a fragile thing.  We could stand to stop and remember that when it comes to each other, we need to be sure to handle with care.