I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain  (Bring the Rain, MercyMe)

A teenage girl has just given the message about always rejoicing and that’s easier said than done.  Psalm Tree begins to play and I smile at way God orchestrated our worship right into MercyMe’s “Bring the Rain”.  I sit and quietly sing the first verse and chorus, but I choke up and can barely keep singing as the next words come.

The tears begin to quietly roll down my face and I’m overwhelmed with all the snapshots of all things hard going off in my head.  I wipe more tears and he grips my hand a little harder to remind me he’s there and I try really hard to let him in, instead of shut him out.

The song ends, we sing another, and then I make my way to the bathroom.  I’m barely through the door and I just lose it; the tears fall harder.  I am so tired of tears.  Somewhere in that moment, I know God’s asking me if I trust Him even when it’s hard.

I don’t answer.

———————————————————————————————————————-

It’s hours later now and he’s holding me while we talk.  “So, what was going on?”  It’s the second time he’s asked me that tonight.  The first time, I asked if we could just talk about it later.  We were still at church and had a cute kid to pick up from her classroom, and I needed the chance to feel like I had a grip on myself.

“I kept having these snapshots of everything that’s hard these days go off in my head and I guess the song just got overwhelming.  That’s all.”

“Okay.”  And he hits play on the DVD player.

I’m certain he knows that’s not everything, but he’s probably not up for the same conversation again either.  I think about the one we had just the other day and my words come to mind again,

“It just feels like everything is so hard right now.  I feel like all we do is ‘hard’.  I just want a short season of ‘easy’.  For someone to say, ‘You guys have been doing ‘hard’ for so long.  Here, have a couple days of ‘easy’.”