“So, what’s this mist you’re in?”

How could six simple words feel so threatening?  I could feel my eyes filling with tears and all of a sudden had no idea how to answer that question.  We normally talk about everything just fine, but I immediately felt intimidated and that wasn’t normal for us.  He wasn’t trying to intimidate me and I knew that.  There wasn’t a secret mission to the question, yet somehow I felt like he could see right through me and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.  Could I really be that honest?  No.  At least, not yet.  I’m just not ready.

“I don’t think I can go there with you.”

I knew that made no sense to him, we talk about most everything.  I knew there was no way not to take that offensively.  I tried going there anyway.  Well, with the semi-cryptic version at least.  There was so much that I could have said to answer that question, so much I wanted to say but I let fear take the lead instead.  I’m a writer and words just completely failed me.  Maybe I wasted the moment and wasted words when I didn’t take the chance to say the things I should have when I had the chance.  It just seemed like a lot of what I was thinking and feeling and going through was better left unsaid in that moment.

“Let Team Stephanie stand in the gaps right now.”  How on earth can they when I’m not sure how far I’m willing to let someone else into all of this?!?

Told ya, I can be really hard to love…