Tag Archive | relationships

My-Size Fairy Tale

Aug2

Call me crazy, but I really enjoy shopping!  Now I know that some of you have a mental picture of a car loaded down with bags and a wallet with nothing left but maxed out credit cards.  Nah, that’s not my style.  I much more prefer the one skirt that I can dress up or down, or mix and match it with what I already own to create several new looks.  I find great pleasure in walking around a department store just to discover the latest trends, then figuring out a way to re-create something similar but more modest.  It’s more than just clothes and fashion that I do this with too.  I like picking up an aqua picture frame and knowing that it could have been so much more, then figuring out how to add a little pizzazz to it.

I also find great delight in shopping for someone else.  I like knowing that I have picked something that they’ll enjoy, because I got to know them.  Right on down to the gift bag or wrapping paper.  I recently learned that my efforts aren’t in vain with that either, when I put Dove’s Dark Chocolate in a pink and orange gift bag and my friend replied “you know me so well”.

As much as I typically enjoy the entire shopping experience, you let me find something that claims “one size fits all” and you might as well had popped my birthday balloons, because that’s a sad moment.  One size does not fit all!  I mean, that claim is just outrageous.  It’s more than just clothes that don’t fit “all”.  I could have wrapped that same gift in a black and red bag, and I can promise you that my friend would not have been smiling and saying “You know me so well!”  Look around—we aren’t all the same; it won’t fit “all”.  So, what is it that makes us think relationships are all going to look the same?

Recently, I found myself beginning to struggle in ways that I never have before.  I was beginning to experience emotions that I still can’t even explain.  God was beginning to reveal things to me that have me excited and honored, but honestly a little freaked out all at once.  I wasn’t sure what to do with all of that and was honestly feeling rather emotionally sucker punched.  Many people tried to tell me what to do with all of that and were quick to share their own stories.  (Don’t get me wrong—that played a big role in my ability to figure it all out.)  It was what one friend texted me a couple hours after she heard me out that did the trick though:

Your talk about your fairy tale just made me think how they are all so different but with equally happy endings….Cinderella had wicked step sisters, Belle had to kiss a beast, Rapunzal was kidnapped.  You get the picture.

I read that and thought, You’re right.  One size does not fit all!  I cannot expect it to look a certain way.  God has already lovingly authored the story.  My job is to just remember to go patiently in the direction that the path leads and enjoy the ride along the way.  While there may be villains or scoundrels that I didn’t expect or pasts that I didn’t see coming or roadblocks to overcome along the way—happily ever after does await and it will come when it’s time for that part of the story.  It will not be one-size fits all, but it will absolutely be a my-size fairy tale.

Image

May the Walls Collapse

Jun4

It’s not much of a secret that one of my, if not my absolute, favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 4:23.  It says, “Above all else, guard your heart; for it is the wellspring of life.”  I literally designed t-shirts and banners after building a Youth Group on this verse.  It’s good stuff!  (I’ll unpack all of the goodness in this verse some other time.)

It was the focus verse of my devotion this morning and I was pretty stoked at first, because of how much I knew I already love it.  Well, this time, God kind of caught me off-guard with this one.  It was not exactly fun, but here’s what I learned…

  • I’ve actually hidden myself behind this verse in ways that aren’t exactly “good” anymore.  I guess I’ve just been too afraid to admit it, because the last time I opened my heart like that I got hurt.  However, the goal of life isn’t to not get hurt.
  • I walk through relationships in fear (don’t assume I mean just dating relationships here).  I’m afraid of getting my heart broken.  I’m afraid to be vulnerable.  Maybe that’s part of why I ask a lot of questions of the people I’m with; if we’re focused on them, they won’t actually ask about me.  I’ve done this all in the name of “guarding my heart”.
  • If I want to grow deeper in my relationship with God, then I’m rather required to enter into close relationships with other people.  That’s going to mean not holding back when I’m with safe people and I’m so not good at that!  Even my closest friends will tell you that I have a way of holding back when we’re talking, all in the name of “not wanting to be too negative”.  The truth is probably that I’m scared.
  • I tend to doubt people.  And on a not-so-good-day, even the people that I call friends.  I question if we’re even really friends or if I just know some of the most polite people ever.  I wonder just how safe my heart is with them, simply because of past betrayals by “friends”.  I wonder “if I open up about this, will it change everything?”
  • The wall that I have built around my heart to protect myself from getting hurt is the same wall that will keep God’s love from flowing out of me and into others.

The good news is that God is not mad at me for building that wall around my heart.  It was His protection for me for a long time, especially during the seasons that He was mending and healing my heart from the relationships I had no business entering into in the first place.  The thing is, it’s safe for me to come out now and if I don’t—I’m going to miss out on what He wants to do in my ministry and relationships with others.

Someone once challenged me to have enough courage to doubt my doubts.  He probably has no idea that I lost sleep that night over that challenge, but I did.  Today, I was reminded of that conversation again and can see how that’s going to play a part in this season of my praying “may the walls collapse”.  I don’t want to hide behind Proverbs 4:23 anymore.  I do want to live a life based on what that verse really means, but I don’t want to live in the extreme that I’ve gotten myself into either.  I want to have enough courage to doubt my doubts, and allow God to continue breaking down those walls and genuinely live in relationship with Him and others.

 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”  (C.S. Lewis)