I log onto Facebook to scroll through the latest pictures of new babies, wedding plans, engagements and engagement pictures, updated last names, and kids in the backseat doing something cute.  Most of my feed is full of ECU demonstrating their excitement from their huge win this weekend over UNC and in true fan fashion, UNC fans posting their “wait until basketball season” comments.  I laugh at E-cards and hope that this brief escape will allow me to slip away from the wrestling that is my heart and apparently the heart of so many I love lately.  And then I come across this jewel:

And I share it.  And a few of you liked it.  And I wrestle again.  I wonder what our family will do and where we’ll end up at the end of this seemingly endless match.  Though, to be honest, I already feel a little whole lot defeated.   It’s hard not to let it consume our every conversation lately.  Will they change?  Is our staying only making harder to move forward?  How long does “give it a chance” last?  Can we make it until then?

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“What is it I’ve always told you girls?  When you don’t know what do to next, just stick with the last thing you KNOW the Lord told you.  Pray about it, girlfriend.  It’ll work out.  This too shall pass.”

I can’t stand when she tells me that.  I’d much rather she just tell me what to do.  Doesn’t she know that’s why I was calling in the first place, to find out what she really thinks?  My mom knows better than to do that though.  She knows there is learning in the wrestling and would never rob us of the opportunity to learn it.  Instead, she listens to me wrestle with it and I hang up with more questions than what I called with and my heart is lighter but distracted by it still nonetheless.

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We lay across our bed each reading or playing Word Chums.  I’m about to turn my phone off when it buzzes with a new e-mail.  I read about the wrestlings going on across town and I’m drawn to read the end of it again.

“Then, I remembered yesterday’s Life Little Instruction Book calendar quote.  I have attached for you to see.

Is this a God thing?”

So, we’ll continue with the wrestling.  And I’ll be thankful that our God’s heart is good and that I can trust Him even when I don’t understand what He’s doing.   And I’m thankful that we aren’t alone in this wrestling; we have good friends that are willing to be in it with us.

If we should cross your mind, please pray for clarity and discernment for us and our friends.  And maybe a spoonful of boldness to move in whatever direction we’re supposed to, when we’re supposed to.  And thank you, because I know you will.  🙂

“Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,^[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”  (Genesis 32:28b)