My husband does grace and forgiveness a whole lot better than I do.  I like to be able to figure the person out, get them to correct the behavior, and us all move forward with a hug and a prayer together.  And even when we’ve done all of that, I still don’t typically believe that a leopard can change its spots.  That’s why God is God and I am not.  Aren’t you thankful?  😉

My husband can forgive you and trust that you’re choosing to try to change.  I’m learning a lot about grace through him.  He tends to see the good in people and I question their motive.

You see, I grew up in church.  In a church that was known for its good programs, amazing youth group, and sat on the corner of the town I claim to call home.  I came through when all of my Sunday School teachers and youth group leaders were incredibly gifted teacher.  And, even still, I’ve been deeply hurt by that same church twice now.  So, I’ve seen the good and the bad.  I know that church can be different than what we’ve been seeing as a result of all of these letters going out.

In the midst of my wrestling, my husband was already moving towards forgiveness.

“What do you think?”  He asks me as he holds this up:

“I think it’s a really bold but quiet way to respond.  I like it.”

“I just want her to know that I don’t accept her words.”

“I just want to walk up to her and say ‘that’s not how we do church here’.”

And days later, I continued to wrestle.  Lying in bed, trying to decide my place in the midst of it all.

I want to ask her ‘what’s the matter’.  Have we failed her?  Is something wrong with her?  Like, is she a broken part of the body right now?  If so, don’t we owe it to her to help in the mending?

What are you up to, Lord?  I know this isn’t what you want for Your church, so when is it going to stop?  How do you move forward as a unified body working towards healing and forgiveness? 

I know none of this surprises you and that you want to do something really cool in spite of our ridiculousness.  Help me to not get in the way with my mouth.

And, can I just go shake her for a minute?

“Look at the nations and watch– and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”  (Habakkuk 1:5)