The story of Hannah in the Bible is one of my favorites.  All Hannah wanted to be was a mom and it just was not happening.”  I identify with that.  “Mom” is all I’ve ever wanted to be when I grow up.  She prayed and prayed and prayed some more to be a mom. And finally, the Lord honors that.  In fact, we hear that straight from the heart of Hannah, “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.”

In the six months that Will and I were engaged, I found myself constantly answering the question “are you ready to be a wife AND a mom?  Because either of them on their own are huge changes and you’re about to take on both”.  I was always so confused by this question.  Of course I was ready.  I’d been the mom in our almost family for longer than we’d even dated.

On the day I said, “I do” to my husband, I became the mom of an almost five year old.  I never had the nine months before becoming a mom to prepare (or at least pretend to prepare) for her to be here.

Now, I’m not so sure that I was ready.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m very bad at this.  This thing they call parenting.  This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  And lately, I’m struggling to not mourn the loss of it never being just me and my husband.  I never realized that you could miss something you never had.

They were right.  Just when you think you have it figured out and you’re feeling like you’re on top of this whole mom thing—something shifts and you know nothing.  And nothing is heaps more than I feel like I have these days.  It all feels like one big, giant fight and at the end of the day—I’m pretty sure I lost and she didn’t win.

The Lord gave me exactly what I prayed for and I chose this life and I wouldn’t trade it.  And on my good days, when I’m giving great mom advice and holding my crying kid… I feel very much on top of this mothering thing.   But on my not so good days, I’m pretty sure I’m ruining her…

“You venture out into an ocean of vulnerability with only a small dinghy and two short oars to keep you afloat when you become a parent. It’s brave because we do it scared, tired,unqualified, and often ill-equipped. We mother on.” (Lisa-Jo Baker)

“It’s a beautiful thing, watching one of God’s creatures doing what He made it to do. Ya’ll spend so much time beating yourselves up.  I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mom he did.”  (Bones, Mom’s Night Out)