I like words.  It may be a little sick, but I even enjoy the etymology of words.  A lot of my favorite games are built around language: Catch Phrase, Scrabble, Buzz Word, Apples to Apples.  I will usually pick Wheel of Fortune or Chain Reaction over something like Jeopardy or Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.  My mom loves to tell the story how I was reading words like “dictation” in the first grade.  While language can be our biggest barrier in effective communication, it’s still all we have really.      

It’s not often that I find myself having absolutely nothing to say.  In fact, my wheels are almost always turning and I find myself lost in a daydream or rehashing past conversations in my head, unpacking what they did or did not say.  (Making sense of it all is a whole other story!)  I have been known to have so much to say that I can’t formulate where to start.  I’ve also been known to hijack a conversation, because I get on a soapbox or get lost on a tangent.  However, sometimes, I just can’t quite say what I want to when I want to.  Other times I’m not sure that I even want the other person to know what I’m thinking, or I have something that I really want them to know, but I get scared or feel stupid or fear that it could change everything, so I just don’t let the words come out.   

I found myself absolutely speechless with God this morning.  Most people tend to use that phrase when they’re surprised, blown away, or even overwhelmed by what God’s just done.  Not me.  I mean, I’ve been there, but that wasn’t it this time. 

I had gotten away from everyone else this morning and when I got really still—I was speechless.  Maybe it’s because I feel stupid bringing the same thing to God again and I wanted to spare Him the drama this morning.  Maybe I just didn’t want Him to know what I was thinking. (Like He isn’t already completely aware.) 

This morning, I realized how tired my heart really was.  It’s like it was just too tired for words.  It’s been in, essentially, a wrestling match with itself for a while now over something.  I looked up through the tears and managed to say, “Lord, I just can’t say it in words.”  And then, just sat there; staring out at one beautiful sunrise.  (I think my silence may have somehow been my loudest cry though.)

I am so thankful that God KNOWS me.  He knows what my heart’s feeling before I can define it.  In fact, He knows what I’m going to feel before I even feel it!  I finally opened my devotion book and found that, today, I was to be in Psalm 139.  Go figure, right?  An entire chapter on just how much God knows me. 

And you guessed it!  I was speechless…