I figure nothing will tell the next few “big” events quite like entries from my journal. I do not filter when I journal, so welcome to my most intimate thoughts.

Today my friend Will and I took his precious little Katherine to see Santa.  Maybe I should say that we attempted to take her.  Really—we should have known better, since Katherine won’t even hug my Dad.  Ha!  She was doing great until it was her turn.  At that point, she grasped onto her Dad for dear life and cried like most kids her age would do.  Most of me couldn’t help but get excited for the day that I go with my husband and kids to see Santa.  A small part of me secretly hoped that today was just the first of many days that Will, Katherine and I will go to see Santa.  Especially when she wanted to hold our hands and swing down the sidewalk.  It’s hard not to love those two!  She snapped me back to reality though when she proclaimed “my mom’s in heaven”.  I drove home reminding God that He was going to need to keep preparing my heart if marrying into a situation like that (Will or not) is to really be part of my story.  Being patient seems to keep getting harder.

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Today, Will and I went to the NC State versus Syracuse Men’s Basketball game at RBC.  I had scored tickets weeks ago and hoped he would go with me; he decided he would.  We had agreed that he would drive and that we would leave somewhere between 4:30 and 5:00.  He came closer to 5.  Normally, I would be stressing that we were going to be late or worried about the plan for eating.  For some reason though—I didn’t care about any of that.  I was in the bathroom when Natalie yelled that he was here.  I walked out in time to open the door and find him standing there.  I could get used to this.

“So, change of plans,” he said.

“Okay, what?”

“We might need you to drive.  My Check Engine light just came on.”

“That’s fine.  Natalie, I’m gonna need my GPS back.”

“Mine’s in the car; we can take it.”  We turned and walked towards our cars.

“What if we take my car and you still drive?”  I so did not want to drive.

“Okay.”  He seemed okay with that.

“I can’t stand event traffic and you might not like my anymore if I drive.” 

He laughed as he locked his car I moved the driver’s seat back and walked around to the passenger’s seat.  Oddly enough, I was really comfortable the whole time.  I always feel allowed to be myself with him.

For the most part, we talked the whole way there.  He jokingly asked me if I had my list, the one I’d been keeping of stuff that we’d been “going to talk about later” for weeks now.  I laughed and said no, knowing that I had it basically memorized.  What is it about this guy that made me want to know everything about him?  I was impressed by what he remembered from previous conversations.  I sat there praying, “Lord, if this isn’t it, please don’t let my heart be so distracted.  And please let ‘the one’ be just as easy to talk to about everything.

We came up on what we thought was parking, just to find out it was for Permits Only.  That happened to us more than once actually.  At one point, his phone went off.  He reached in his pocket, looked at the message and then handed me the phone to see it.  It was from another girl and I felt completely washed over in jealousy.  Jealousy’s my least favorite emotion, but I sure had no problem feeling that way in that moment.  We went on towards the RBC Center for the game, continuing to talk the whole way there.               

The game ended with a State loss but the Syracuse fans next to us were so excited that it was hard not to be excited for them.  We made our way back to the car and I made fun of him for being so impatient with the lack of traffic-flow to get everyone out of there.

The ride home was a lot quieter, not because I didn’t still want to ask about a million questions, but I didn’t really want to be annoying either.  It was during the ride home when I learned he’s started writing letters to Katherine, almost like a journal I guess.  What I do know is that I sat there praying: Lord, remember the time I asked to not be distracted?  Well, this really isn’t helping!

When we got back to my house, I invited him in while secretly hoping he would decline.  He did.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.  My heart was just in a really funny place and space was probably best right then.  He hugged me and got in his car.  I walked in the house with a struggling heart…