“What do you want to be when you grow up?”  It’s one of the first (consistent) questions that we all get asked when we’re little kids.  My cousin wanted to be a fireman and he is.  My childhood best friend wanted to be a teacher and she is.  One friend wanted to be a chef and until she became a mom—she was one.  Another friend wanted to be a nurse and she is.  I can’t remember what I said I wanted to be when I grew up.  I just remember not really liking the question.

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“What’s your plan when you graduate?  We need to determine which pathway you should be on.”  I remember sitting in my Guidance Counselor’s office thinking that I had no idea what my plan was.  I can remember wanting to get married, have kids, raise our kids in church, teach Youth Sunday School together and be the best soccer mom there’s ever been.  But what was my plan when I graduate?  College.  We all go to college.  Right?!?  If you don’t go to college, you aren’t driven.  I was supposed to be “driven”.  So we nailed it down; I was on the College Prep pathway.

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Maybe it was the music.  Maybe it was the preacher.  Maybe it was being high on sunscreen, sunburn, and boys of the sun.  Maybe it was the “I can see you working somewhere like here one day”.  Maybe it was the pressure and emotion of that Friday night at camp “invitation”.  Maybe it was knowing that I would finally have an answer to the what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up question that made me tell everyone I was being called into Youth Ministry.  But those were definitely the words I blurted out in our group’s Caswell kitchen that night and from that night on; I was on the fast-track to being a Youth Minister.  I based all of my high school friendships and decisions on it.  It was one of the biggest factors in nailing down a college and how I spent those college summer vacations.  It’s determined where and how I’m asked to serve in church(es).

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Fifteen years, two youth director positions and several decisions later, I’m left wondering if I got it wrong then or if I’m getting it wrong now.  I know what I want my world to look like, but I don’t think I’m ready to say it out loud.  Probably because I’m not really sure how to get there or how long it will take.  But I do know that, if one more person asks me “what are you most passionate about,” (formerly known as “what do you want to be when you grow up”) there’s a good chance I’ll explode…