My face must have made it clear as I walked down the same aisle for at least the third time, because the young clerk walked up to me and asked, “Can I help you find something?”  I looked up and winked, “If I knew what I was looking for.  Thanks for asking though.”  “Well, when you decide, let me know if I can help you find it.”  I wandered out the same way that I had wandered in—empty handed.  I’m not even sure how I’d found my way into this store, other than it was someplace old and familiar.

I sat across the table from her and tried to paint a picture of what it looked like these days.  I vented and she sipped her hot tea.  She understood exactly what I meant; it had only been about six months since she walked out the same door.  “My hope for you,” she spoke honestly, “is that you’ll find it.  And soon.”  “Find what?”  I was so curious for an answer!  “Whatever it is you’re looking for.  Let me know what I can do to help you find it.”

“What happened to the girl who used to always smile like she had a secret?  You sound like you’re just going through the motions.”

I may have seen him twice since we heard Dr. Paschal say, “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Northern Nash Senior High School Class of 2003.”

“Lately, it sure feels that way.  You got that from just ‘Hey Stranger, I’m okay.  How are you?  That’s sad for me!”

We laughed and stood there talking like we’d just left Mr.  Kennedy’s class, not missing the (almost) ten years in between, then before we left:

“Hey Steph, I may be crossing the line here, but can I just say something?”

“Hey man, we go all the way back to MmmBop.  There are no lines.”

We laughed again then he just held me and said, “It’s gonna be okay.  It just may not feel like it when you want it to, but God has really cool plans that you fit into.  Don’t be afraid to embrace whatever it is that has you so scared.”

We both walked to our car doors then I heard him yell, ‘Oh!  And tell them!”

“Who?”  I hollered back.

“I may talk slow, but I ain’t stupid.”

I pulled in and just sat there behind the driver’s seat.  I gripped the steering wheel and stared at the door.  My heart’s known this whole time that I am not looking for anything; I found it a while ago.  My head took a little convincing, but it’s been convinced for a while now too.  It’s the not-knowing where the rest of the team stands that has me so “scared”, as my old friend coined it.

I gripped the steering wheel and stared at the door.  Now, if I can just get myself from the car through the door…

”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart.”  (Jeremiah 29:11-13)