I don’t know that I will ever be able to wrap my mind around suicide, so when I get the call that someone I know has taken their life– I struggle.  I’m in the midst of that struggle today, because I got the call that a girl I knew (what now feels like a lifetime ago) committed suicide.  For whatever reason, God allowed me to be born in a Christian home so I’ve known of Jesus my whole life.  I’ve also actually known Him most of it too.  Maybe that’s part of why I just can’t wrap my mind around suicide– I’ve never known that kind of loneliness, desperation, or depression. (And the list goes on.)  I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming anyone, I’m not!  I just wish that there weren’t people getting that lonely, and no one know until it’s too late.  I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but until then—I’m resting in Jesus, thankful He welcomes my confusion and tears, and trusting that He will use this for His glory.  I’m also playing my friend Cindy Johnson’s song a lot….

Can I Just Cry This Time?

Lord, this prayer won’t be like the rest

If You don’t mind I’d like to change my routine

There’s a world that’s in need

And lives to be changed

But for once I’d like to pray differently

Cause my heart hurts so much

And my anguish is such

That I feel as if my world is on the verge of crashing down

As simple as it may sound

I ask you, Lord

 

Can I just cry this time?

Can I just lean on Your shoulder?

Can I draw strength from your hand?

Can I be held in Your embrace?

As I walk this lonely mile,

I may not find the answer.

But what I need is You to hold me

For just a little while

 

Sometimes I just push emotions aside

When I bring my request before Your throne

I guess I think You’ll believe

I’m stronger than I feel

That I’m doing just fine on my own

But I’ve come to a place

In the midst of this race

I can no longer hide the pain

That’s shattering my soul

And right now I feel so cold

I ask You, Lord

 

Can I just cry this time?

Can I just lean on Your shoulder?

Can I draw strength from your hand?

Can I be held in Your embrace?

As I walk this lonely mile,

I may not find the answer.

But what I need is You to hold me

For just a little while