On any given afternoon after school, my mom would play old records (yes, I’ve seen a 45) while she was cleaning or balancing her checkbook and just doing the “mom” thing.  The Statler Brothers were played often and I always wanted to hear “Elizabeth”, because that’s also my middle name.  It was a lot harder to just “go back” on a record player, but she would do it for me anyway.  Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” is another one of the songs that plays in the background of some of my earliest memories.  It was also not uncommon for Natalie, Andrew, and I to come in and watch Mary Poppins (or Mary Popkins, if you were still learning to say it).  Duke Basketball is another one of the many “I grew up on that” things. 

I’m amazed at how long I can go without hearing a song and with just the intro being played, I can still sing the whole thing flawlessly.  I don’t know that I’ve heard “Elizabeth” in twenty years, but as I sit here and type—I can still hear the chorus in the back of my mind.  To this day, I can still quote that old Julie Andrews movie in casual conversation.  And I’m pretty sure, if pressed, I can probably still name the starters of the 1991 and 1992 Duke NCAA Championship teams.

It’s not even childhood memories that I seem to have compartmentalized in my mind.  For example, why can I tell you that when you die, your hair still grows for a couple of months?  Did you also know that the reason Sean Connery was casted as James Bond is because he won the Mr. Universe pageant?  If pressed, I can probably name all 11 American Idol winners.  Is there any reason to just remember any of that?  Absolutely not.

I can quote and rattle off all kinds of not-so-important (I can’t quite bring myself to admit that I should say “useless” right now) facts and statistics.  However, I cannot quote many Bible verses verbatim.  I can’t tell you where some of my favorite stories in scripture are actually found without stopping to really think about it.  And, even if pressed, I may not be able to name all 66 Books of the Bible in order from start to finish.  Something’s gravely wrong with this picture. 

I thought about that tonight as the scripture given to me was Psalm 119:11.  It says, “Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.”  Some translations use the word hidden.  Either way, the point is that the writer had considered God’s Word to be the most valuable thing.  It’s what his heart and mind would dwell on.  “That I might not sin against You”—that I might be continually guided by it.

I took on memorizing scripture as my “Lent Project” this year.  I do so much better if I don’t try to “sacrifice” something, because—let’s be honest—what on earth makes me think that I can come up with anything that remotely compares to the kind of Sacrifice God made for me?  Yeah no, I can’t.  Anyway, I took on scripture memorization.  I posted verses on the bathroom mirror, hall mirror, my door, my bedroom dresser mirror, and my desk at work.  And ya know, you really have to be careful with that because before you know it—God’s going to have you memorizing something that changes everything!

My prayer is that I’ll be burdened to desire God’s Word more.  I don’t want to just memorize it for the sake of memorizing.  (That’s kind of how my Lent Project worked)  I want to want to know it.  To hide it in my heart—past the movie quotes, random facts, and Duke Basketball stats.  I want to soak it up and really know it in a fashion that it makes me more confident in knowing the heart of God.  If I know God’s heart, I’ll know His desires for how to use me in this lifetime, what the right choices in my decisions are, and what the future actually holds for me.  And something tells me that… everything else will just fall into place as a result.

I figured it was only fair to counter last night’s post with guys’ version.  Oh gosh, I hope I can wrap everything up into “one thing”.  My guy friends can tell you that when I get asked (or when I just volunteer) my opinion about what I think guys should be doing—I have a hard time getting off my soapbox. 

I saw a Facebook post once that said, “Every morning I get up with the preconceived notion that all guys are jerks then wait for someone to prove me wrong.  That hasn’t happened yet.”  While I don’t necessarily believe that all guys are jerks, I do think most girls are walking around believing that.  I know we shouldn’t group you all together, but I think it’s so easy to do that because the jerks are out-shining the few good guys that are still out there. 

I wish that the guys that are aiming to be sold out for Jesus would step up and show us that they’re out there.  Where are the guys that will assume the responsibility of leading and initiating in their relationships, even just friendships, with girls?  Where are the guys that will be the spiritual leader?  Where are the ones that will do the little things in their relationships with women that communicate they care, respect, and desire to protect?  This doesn’t have to be hard.  You just have to simply be a gentleman to the women in your life; show them that their status as a woman is a righteous one.  Just remember that you’re not doing these things to impress or win a woman’s heart.  You’re supposed to do these things for God’s glory.  You’re to do them to serve a sister in Christ and honor her as a woman.  It’s good practice for your future wife!

Now I know that girls don’t make that easy on you.  Some are so caught up in stepping up for you that they don’t really give you a chance.  Others just need you to stop being nice to them unless you plan to propose.  Both give the rest of us a bad reputation.  I know—most girls can be crazy and don’t make it easy on you at all.  Do me a favor and don’t group us all together!  Strive to seek out the girls that are genuinely striving to be Godly.  (I could expand on that, and will, just not right now.)    

Instead, I’ll sum in up in an Elisabeth Elliot quote, “The world cries for men who are strong—strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer.  I pray that you will be that kind of man—glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt.”  

I know that it may be offensive to some but, if I could tell girls just one thing, it would be to slow down and just be the girl.  We complain all the time that guys don’t man up, and while I think that’s true for most guys—it’s not true for all guys.  I think the reason that some guys aren’t stepping up to be men is because girls are standing in their way.  I’ve heard so many girls, women, say lately that they just want to be pursued.  Yet, they keep doing the pursuing. 

I’ve seen “He’s Just Not That Into You” at least fifty times and in a lot of ways the movie just makes me laugh.  For example, there’s a moment when Mary makes a statement this is so true of how today’s generation functions, especially when it comes to how we “communicate” and how frustrating it can be.  I laugh because there’s a lot of truth in her statement and I’m sure if anyone was to watch us do it—they’d think we were nuts.  She paints the perfect picture to her friend when she says,

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”

 There’s a lot of truth in that statement!  It is exhausting to run around so caught up in: has he called me? Did he text me?  Maybe he Facebook-ed me or e-mailed me.  Why hasn’t he contacted me all day?  It’s also really disappointing when he doesn’t, right?  Another character, Gigi, spends the entire movie seeking advice from Alex (the guy’s perspective) and every single time she calls with a new scenario and her one million possible interpretations of the moment he always comes back with, “If a guy wants to be with you, he’ll make it happen.”

Now I know that taking advice from a Hollywood film is not always wise, but that’s a statement that I wish girls would take to heart and remember when they’re in the middle of doing the initiating and pursuing.  If only they would stop and remind themselves that if they guy wants to be with you—he’ll step up. 

Today, as I walked through our building and to my office, my eye was caught by a young girl who seemed to be (literally) throwing herself at the boy across the table from her.  I wondered out loud if I was anything like that, secretly knowing that I was.  I vividly remember the first boy to make me crazy.  A girl will never forget the first boy she ever likes.  I also vividly remember making a lot of moves that I now wish I could take back.  Ladies, and guys please correct me if I’m wrong, it’s pretty safe to assume that until a guy expresses interest in you, you’re just friends.

Elisabeth Elliot once said, “A real woman understands that man was created to be the initiator, and she operates on that premise.  This is primarily a matter of attitude.  I am convinced that the woman who understands and accepts with gladness the difference between masculine and feminine will be, without premise or self-consciousness, womanly.”

My prayer is that you’ll be this kind of woman—a woman who uses her gifts, develops her mind, and is passionate about God, and yet who is, without question, womanly.  I realize the attitude Elisabeth Elliot describes runs against the grain of our culture.  In many ways women today are encouraged to be anything and everything that can dream of—except Godly and feminine, womanly.  But don’t take your cues from culture!

If I could tell girls just one thing it would be: God will make you beautiful and will attract truly godly men to you, in His timing.  Make Godliness and inward beauty your priority.  Godly guys are looking for Godly girls.  If they aren’t, then they’re not Godly.  Aim to be Godly!  Then I would ask: Are they over-looking you?

I don’t know that I will ever be able to wrap my mind around suicide, so when I get the call that someone I know has taken their life– I struggle.  I’m in the midst of that struggle today, because I got the call that a girl I knew (what now feels like a lifetime ago) committed suicide.  For whatever reason, God allowed me to be born in a Christian home so I’ve known of Jesus my whole life.  I’ve also actually known Him most of it too.  Maybe that’s part of why I just can’t wrap my mind around suicide– I’ve never known that kind of loneliness, desperation, or depression. (And the list goes on.)  I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming anyone, I’m not!  I just wish that there weren’t people getting that lonely, and no one know until it’s too late.  I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but until then—I’m resting in Jesus, thankful He welcomes my confusion and tears, and trusting that He will use this for His glory.  I’m also playing my friend Cindy Johnson’s song a lot….

Can I Just Cry This Time?

Lord, this prayer won’t be like the rest

If You don’t mind I’d like to change my routine

There’s a world that’s in need

And lives to be changed

But for once I’d like to pray differently

Cause my heart hurts so much

And my anguish is such

That I feel as if my world is on the verge of crashing down

As simple as it may sound

I ask you, Lord

Can I just cry this time?

Can I just lean on Your shoulder?

Can I draw strength from your hand?

Can I be held in Your embrace?

As I walk this lonely mile,

I may not find the answer.

But what I need is You to hold me

For just a little while

Sometimes I just push emotions aside

When I bring my request before Your throne

I guess I think You’ll believe

I’m stronger than I feel

That I’m doing just fine on my own

But I’ve come to a place

In the midst of this race

I can no longer hide the pain

That’s shattering my soul

And right now I feel so cold

I ask You, Lord

Can I just cry this time?

Can I just lean on Your shoulder?

Can I draw strength from your hand?

Can I be held in Your embrace?

As I walk this lonely mile,

I may not find the answer.

But what I need is You to hold me

For just a little while

I came in from work this afternoon and just crashed for a little while.  I was absolutely exhausted and feeling like someone had just sucker-punched me.  I thought that if I could just catch a power nap before supper, I’d feel much better. 

I went to my room and crawled under the covers hoping that for just about an hour– no one would need me for anything.  My body had shut down, no problem.  It was my mind that was the problem.  I suddenly started thinking about all of the things that I’d managed to push to the back of my mind lately.  In the midst of all of those things scrolling through my mind, I also had pictures of people that I’ve been going to call back for a while now and haven’t.  Next thing I knew I started thinking about and analyzing/evaluating things that had been said to me in the last 24 hours and whether or not they took my responses like I meant for them to.  My mind just would not shut off!  Then I just got annoyed and there was too much banging in the kitchen that was causing Zeva to yelp and my mom was walking in to see if I was interested in trying to eat, so I gave up and got on out of the bed.

I went on and had supper with everyone else, got a shower, watched the American Idol finale, and sat down to dive into the Word and try to just soak up God’s presence and listen.  I’ve been diligently seeking His face on two big (to me, at least) things in my life right now and am trying to get better at just listening.

So, I started with prayer time.  Next thing you know, it was very much like Jenny and Forrest in Forrest Gump.  Jenny’s come back to Forrest’s house and they’re hanging out all the time.  It’s one of my favorite moments in the movie when Forrest says, “Every day we’d take a walk, and I’d jabber on like a monkey in a tree and she’d listen about ping-pong and shrimpin’ boats and Momma makin’ a trip to Heaven.   I did all the talkin’.   Jenny most of the time was real quiet.”  That about sums up how my “listening” is going these days.  I’ll get still and quiet and the next thing you know I’m reminding God that my friend’s dad’s really sick and in my opinion, their world’s been through enough (you know, as if my opinion is what the Lord works off); my sister needs clear direction on what’s next, she just graduated college; another friend is going through a rough divorce; another friend needs discernment on how to handle the gray areas of life with her inquisitive seven year old; I need serious clarity in two areas of my own life and while patience is a virtue, I’m okay with Him just granting me patience instead of having to learn it.  (You know, if that’s okay with Him, of course.)  Just like Forrest, I was jabbering on like a monkey in a tree and just like Jenny– God was spending most of the time real quiet.  I have no problem listening when other people talk, why was listening to the Lord so hard?  Did He just not want to tell me yet? 

I turned in my devotional and found that today’s scripture was 1 Samuel 3.  Well, wouldn’t you know?  It’s the story of the LORD calling to Samuel while he’s in bed.  Each time the LORD stood there speaking, Samuel would jump out of bed and go see Eli, assuming that’s who was calling him.  Three times, the LORD tried to speak to Samuel.  Three times, Samuel took off in a different direction.  It wasn’t until Samuel got still and responded to the LORD that the LORD was able to tell Samuel what He had wanted him to hear the whole time.  Well, the only way Samuel could have responded to God is if he heard him, right?  That’s going to mean that he was quiet enough to hear him speak.  That’s where I struggle!

God wants to communicate with us and He tries to get our attention, but sometimes we’re just not paying attention.  He shouts, whispers, and tries many ways but it’s useless if we’re not listening.  I’m learning that when it comes to successfully completing prayer, it doesn’t matter how God responds to us; the important thing is that we’re listening. 

God WILL communicate with us, if we will develop a listening ear and listening heart.  We just need to identify the distractions in our lives that drown out God’s voice and then stop “jabbering on like a monkey in a tree” and be the one to “spend most of the time real quiet”.  

The theme of today seemed to be “enough”.  I think we ran the gamut of how the word was used too.

It started with the frustration side.  Heard one man say, “I’ve had enough of this whole divorce thing, so yeah I’m pretty bummed.”  I heard one mom say, “I’ve just had enough of that kid tattling to me about my kid all the time.”  I heard a co-worker say, “I’ve had about enough of people asking the very question that I just answered for them.”  “It’s getting harder for us to see the standard when all of the ‘wrong’ in the world is becoming the ‘normal’.  I’ve about had enough of us not sticking to the standard that Jesus set.”  I shared in her sentiments as a really good friend of mine said, “I’m so tired of trying to live up to the expectations of others.  I know their intentions are good, but I’ve had enough of people telling me what my plan should be instead of asking me what I’m up to these days.”

Somewhere in the day, we migrated to not feeling like enough.  I heard or even said the traditional: “I’m not thin enough.”  “He’s not smart enough.”  “I’m not young enough.” “He’s not tough enough.”  “We’re not pompous enough for them, but do we want to be?  No.”   “I don’t think I’m old enough for that.”  “I’m not pretty enough.”  “I don’t think he sees me like that, maybe I’m just not enough for him.”  “I’m not tan enough to pull that off.”  “No, we’d never work out.  I don’t want enough of the American Dream for her.”

I know that it hasn’t been that long since I both admitted and announced that I’m not perfect, but that feeling of not being “enough” or seeing someone else as not “enough” is running rampant amongst the people that I know and love, as well as those that I’m just passing by.  Speaking of “enough”… I’m definitely there with people feeling that way.

Satan has a firm grip on our insecurities and he’s chipping away at our hearts through them.  Why do we continue to give him that power?  I’m just as guilty.  It’s not unusual for me to be lying in my bed at night and find myself overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m not good enough for something or even someone.  I play that comparison game of “they would be better at it than I am” or “he probably thinks I’m too _____” or “maybe I’m not ______ enough for him”.  What is it about us that causes us to want to live up to someone else’s standards?  What is it about us that wants to be liked so much, as if that’s the model Jesus gave?

I’m learning that it’s more than just me not listening to Satan whisper lies in my own life.  It’s standing guard for others as well.  It’s saying and showing to my neighbor, “I’ve had enough of people telling you that you’re not good enough or like them enough.”  Jesus set the standard for that by pointing to His Father through loving His neighbor.  For us to do anything less than that– is not okay!  Tenth Avenue North sums it up in their song “You Are More”:

“Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.”  (You Are More)

I long for the day when that’s the only message that comes out of my lips and through my lifestyle.  I’m determined that’s soon!  Pray I get there…

I have grown up at my moma’s kitchen table; a million memories have been made there.  My dad and his brother made it about two or three years after my parents got married and it has been the mainstay in so many memories.

Natalie, Andrew, and I have gotten in trouble for playing Wheel of Fortune with the Lazy Susan that sits in the middle.  I don’t know if you know this or not, but if you line the outside of a Lazy Susan with Cheerios– it looks an awful lot like Pat Sajack’s big wheel.  The only difference is, Pat never had to set his wheel back up after each and every spin.

We’ve cut many a cake, growing up, while friends and family were circled up around us, singing “Happy Birthday”.  It was at our kitchen table that my dad made the big announcement, when I was going into the seventh grade that he was quitting his job and going back to Divinity School.  Several late summer nights have been spent around that table as us girls and our friends crowded chair after chair around it to play cards.  I have laughed until my sides hurt on nights like that, but we’ve also shared some of the heavier news with each other while waiting our turn to go.  Even now, as busy and far away from each other as we may get, many of those same friends will gather there every Thanksgiving morning for breakfast.

The kitchen table is where some of the best stories from our days have been shared.  We’ve heard about a four year old, in a program Brittany was working with, who finally said “Moma” for the first time and all the cheers that followed from other moms in the room that day.  We’ve heard how the kid in Natalie’s class, that didn’t stand a chance at the beginning of the year, scored higher than ever on his EOG’s.

If that kitchen table could talk, I think it would talk about all the fun, laughter, tears, and just plain ol’ life-sharing that has gone on there.

If we look at the life and ministry of Jesus, it wasn’t much different for Him either.  It was around a kitchen table that Jesus ate with tax collectors and taught us that He did not come to invite good people.  He came to invite sinners.  It was over dinner plans that Martha learned what was most important, the presence of Jesus.  Jesus even invited Himself to eat with Zacchaeus.  One of the biggest announcements Jesus could have made to his friends was around the table when He told Judas that he would betray Jesus.  It’s also when He said, “I give to you a new commandment, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another”.

What is it about sitting around a table, eating, that makes it so easy to talk?  Is it because there are things to hold, stir, and drink so it feels less awkward?  Maybe it’s knowing that you don’t have to worry about who’s sitting around you, like you do at restaurants.  I have no idea!  It must be something absolutely Divine, because life can really get shared around a kitchen table. 

So I dare you… gather around the kitchen table. Listen to someone’s story; they’re probably dying to have someone to share it with.  Make a big announcement.  Feed someone else for a night.  Just play some cards and catch up.  I guarantee it’s going to change someone’s life if you let God move in that moment; yours or someone else’s.  Either way, it’s a win!

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of cute calendars.  I love the feeling of organization that it brings to my life and find great pleasure in color coordinating what gets written in.  Weird, I know.  I also remember making the claim that I would never be one to live by a calendar and now I often do.  Some weeks though, I find that I’m running out of space to write everything in and get tired just thinking about the week ahead.  Those are the weeks that I’m working off adrenaline and caffeine as I: go to work, go to meetings, eat lunch in the car while I’m running to Target, grab dinner with friends, go to church, return phone calls and text messages e-mails and FB messages, watch my favorite show on DVR because who has time to watch it with commercials, try to hang out with my family, get my hair cut, find time to go for a good walk or run, try to stay disciplined in blogging, and somewhere in there remember to sleep.  I find that I’m typically running just to catch myself and I don’t have kids!  (I hear the schedules get even crazier when you do.)

Tonight, my devotion was on Luke 10:38-42, the story of Martha and Mary.  This is a story that has been taught in Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and just about every Women’s Bible Study I’ve ever come through.  You’re probably pretty familiar with it too.

Jesus has stopped by the home of his friends; Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.  Martha is busy in the kitchen trying to get everything ready.  I imagine that she had made, at least a mental, list of all the things that needed to be done before dinner was to be served.  Clean the table; pick, clean and wash the vegetables; knead the bread and bake it.  Somewhere in there she was probably going to sweep the floors and be sure to change into her best dress.  I’m betting that she was soon running just to catch herself.

Meanwhile, Mary was just hanging out in the living room, kicking it with Jesus.  If you have siblings like I do, then you fully understand Martha’s frustration with how little Mary was doing to help get things ready for company.  Martha had reached her limit and goes tearing into the living room.  I’m imagining she had her stern look (the kind that your mom can give from across any room and you know it’s time to just stop whatever it is you’re doing) in place and glared at Jesus when she said, ” Lord, doesn’t it bother you that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to come and help me!”

It was a total Godsend that I was in the Contemporary English Version tonight (normally I’m an NIV girl) because the way verses 41 and 42 are worded is what I really needed to hear today.  “Martha, Martha! You are worried and upset about so many things, but only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen what is best, and it will not be taken away from her.”  I think Jesus was basically telling her to slow down, breathe, and just enjoy the fact that He’s there.  There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with what Martha had busied herself with, but she hadn’t stopped to be in the midst of what’s best.

I’m so guilty of that!  Don’t get me wrong– I love that my calendar has things like leading the kids at church and eating with friends written in it.  There’s a lot of really good stuff going on in a week.  What I don’t love is all of the other “stuff” that gets crammed into one day and how I then crawl in bed knowing that I have not stopped long enough to genuinely dive into God’s Word and earnestly pray and seek His heart.

We live in a very fast-paced, multi-tasking world, so I’m betting that I’m not the only one who struggles with this.  Where did we get the idea that God’s somehow impressed with our busy schedules?  He really just wants us to slow down, take a breather, kick back and just enjoy being in His presence.

We need to guard with our lives the time we set aside to just be in the presence of the Lord, because the world will take our every second if we’ll let them.  When we’ll commit to doing that, I think we’ll find that it’s a lot easier to know God’s heart.  I have a feeling we’ll soon find ourselves busy following through with the things that He wants to see happen in our day instead.

You can learn so much about a person just by looking at their hands. You can tell what kind of work they do, if they are out in the sun much, and even about how tall they may be.  You can even see aging on someone’s hands.  I always think it’s funny when you see celebrities on TV that have had plastic surgery on their faces, but you can still look at their hands and tell basically how old they are. The hands seem to give tell-tell signs of a person.  Our hands talk to others whether we know it or not.

If you were to look at my hands– you could assume that I am short, I have little hands.  It’s obvious now that I have a nervous habit of tearing my nails, they look rough.  You can also tell that I have a passion for purity in relationships; I’m still wearing my True Love Waits ring from the 7th grade.  I’m fair-skinned, check out my palms and you can see my veins.  If you had looked at them just ten minutes, you would have been able to tell that I was up to something with a purple marker.  Look at your hands.  What could someone tell about you, just by looking at your hands?

As Christians, our hands should look different from the rest of the world’s hands.  Jesus tells us in John 13:35 that the world will know that we’re His disciples if we have love for one another.   Well, what does that look like?

James 2:14-16 says “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?  Can such faith save them?  Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

It’s basically saying that if our lives don’t change—we don’t truly believe what we say we do.  Please don’t confuse this with the idea that we can somehow earn our salvation—we can’t.  We would NEVER get there!  The deeds that these verses are talking about don’t replace our faith; they confirm it.  These verses call us to go deeper than just believing in God.  They challenge us to commit our whole selves. 

 These verses challenge us to have hands of love and love is more than simple, warm feelings.  It’s an attitude that reveals itself in action.  It’s helping someone when it’s not convenient.  It’s giving, even when it hurts.  It’s devoting energy to serving someone that isn’t ourselves.

That might be really hard!  But that’s when people notice, because really—who serves someone that has hurt their feelings or drives them crazy?  When people see this kind of serving, they’re going to think you’re crazy and know that there’s no explanation other than that you belong to Jesus.

Think of someone that you really just can’t stand.  Maybe it’s someone at school that gives you a hard time every single day.  Maybe it’s a co-worker that you can never seem to look at things with, eye-to-eye.  Is it your relatives?  Who is it (or who are they)? 

What can you do to serve them anyway?

This afternoon, I did some serious and long overdue cleaning.  The main goal was to purge anything that I didn’t use anymore, anything that was no longer important. I went through each thing in that closet asking myself “do I keep or toss this?”  In the midst of all the stuff that I was sorting, I came across a lot of “treasures”: the Duke cheerleading outfit my grandmother made for me when I was about ten years old; videos from college mission trips; the Bible I used as a teenager, all marked up with pink highlighter and glitter gel pens.  However, most of what I found was stuff that I didn’t even remember keeping.  Needless to say, I threw out a lot of “junk”: magazine clippings of famous women I once wished I looked like; notebooks from high school classes; clothes I might wear “someday” and they hadn’t been worn in two or three years.  I discovered that, at some point, I had spent a lot of energy organizing and hanging onto a lot of… well, garbage.

Isn’t that just like us though?  Bitterness is harbored towards someone because they hurt our feelings once and it was even years ago.  Jealousy gets kept and it’s usually over something we just think we want.  Frustration continues to rear its ugly head, because we can’t seem to move beyond someone not agreeing with us over something we believe is incredibly important, non-negotiable.  We won’t let go of our prejudices, because what would people think if it looks like we’re okay with _______ (fill in the blank)?  We hang onto the garbage for dear life and the reality is that it’s really sucking the life out of us!  Jesus invites us to life, abundant life even, but we’re not living abundantly because we’re held back by all the stuff we won’t let go of. 

As I sat in the floor of my old closet, sifting through the layers of stuff, I asked God to bring to surface the junk in my heart that needs to go.  Some of it, I’m keenly aware of and just haven’t mastered leaving it at the throne of God when I claim to be giving it to Him.  Maybe that’s because I just stink at genuinely forgiving people.  I’m sure there’s stuff buried deep within that I’m not seeing the effects of just yet too.  The thing is though–letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace.  I’m certain it’s going to be a painful process, but I’m also guaranteed it’s worth it!

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”  (John 10:10)