Most people know that, from the time I was in the 7th grade, I’ve kept a list of what I was praying for in my future husband.  In fact, if we’ve ever spent more than about an hour together then the news that I have a list isn’t breaking to you.  My list has grown and changed as I have.  Over the course of the 12-14 years that this list and I have been together—I have been both applauded for taking my future marriage so seriously so “early” and laughed at for being “too picky”.  Clearly, neither has fazed me because this list has continued to stay incredibly close to my heart.

Now, you would think that having such a list would mean that my heart has never been broken.  (About that!)  Some days, I’m tempted to believe that the breaks have cut deeper because the expectations were so high.

I remember, in Elementary School, each of us were assigned the daunting task of safely and creatively packaging an egg so that when we dropped it from the top of our playground’s 10 foot slide—it wouldn’t break.  We were responsible for the safety of that egg, regardless of what it was put through.  Some classmates went to great lengths to protect their eggs and at the end of the experiment—their eggs were still very much intact.  I probably don’t have to tell you that most of the eggs that day didn’t make it!  Most of us were just arrogant enough to believe that we somehow had an unbreakable egg. Riiigghhtt, because those are made.  Even hard-boiling the egg would have only decreased the likelihood of it breaking.  It still would not have been a guarantee. 

I have found that, on many occasions, my heart has not been too unlike that egg.  I have gone to great lengths to ensure that my heart would not get broken.  Hence, “the list”.  If every guy that asked me out could somehow fail before we ever went there—my heart would definitely stay in one piece.  No brainer.

What about the times that the guy seems to be most everything on the list and worth giving a shot?  That’s when I’m more like those of us who had the audacity to believe we were holding unbreakable eggs.  Well, he loves Jesus so my heart’s safe.  Right?  Loving Jesus is number one on the list.  I’m good. And suddenly, I’m moving forward with another good guy, not the one who’s best for me.  And you should know what happens here.  Just in case you don’t know—my heart breaks again.

So—where’s the happy medium? The one between the relationship not being given a chance and making it what *I* think it should be.  

Recently, I played a Josh Harris and kissed dating good-bye.  I found myself questioning why God had me start a list all those years ago in the first place.  As if everything that my heart had been through, was all God’s fault.

Not long after that, I found myself across the table from an old friend at a Starbucks.  She’s the kind of friend who tends to pour out Truth whenever she opens her mouth.  God has used her so many times to confirm what He’s doing in my life.  As you can imagine, this time was about my list.  I had just finished expressing my latest frustrations with guys, dating relationships and how I was apparently ruined from growing up on old-school Disney movies when she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and floored me.

“I have this feeling that your future husband isn’t going to be anything like you’ve always pictured.  He’s going to be better, mind you.  I just think you’re going to be taken by surprise.  Your list, I’m sure, has saved you from a lot of heartache.  I just wonder if your list is realistic or if it’s full of unfair expectations.”

“I think it’s realistic now.  It hasn’t always been though, you’re right.”

“Just be open to what God wants to give you.  Life is too fleeting to waste our time on what doesn’t matter, ya know?  And I would hate to see you miss Mr. Incredibly Right because you’re too busy trying to tell God what’s what.”

How am I going to know he’s Mr. Incredibly Right if I can’t define what that looks like? 

That coffee date was the first of many moments that God used to teach me: “Happily ever after” may not look like we think it will.  He may have a past (gasp!).  He may leave his stuff all over the bathroom (grr).  He may have stories from past relationships that are hard to hear (tear).

You may be reading this (bless you if you still are) thinking, “That’s your lesson?  Big deal.”  For me, this was HUGE!  Like—winning the lottery—HUGE!

But I’m guessing I’m not alone in needing this revelation.  I’m guessing that many of us need to just take a deep breath, focus on what God’s doing in our own lives TODAY and let the future off the hook until God brings Mr. (or Mrs.) Incredibly Right through the proverbial door…